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3. I feel so bad about my body!

Read Chapters in the book: 3 & 4

Over the years I had managed to diet and eat myself up to 428 pounds. Morbid obesity brought with it many ailments. Even going under the knife and having a surgical procedure to loose weight was only a temporary fix. After dropping 240 pounds in less than 2 years, I then proceeded to gain back over 120 of those pounds. It was not until I began to change the unloving manner in which I thought, felt and acted toward my body that it begin to release the excess weight and become chemically balanced. My cells were simply responding to all the negative beliefs and unhealthy habits in which I was consciously and unconsciously choosing to engage.

November 1993
August 2003

     Around the same time I met Dr. Chuck Greenwood, who explained that every cell in our body has intelligence. What we say, think and do affects our biology because our cells respond to what is being communicated. Advanced technology is now able to measure the effects we have on our bodies, not only by what we ingest, expose or subject them to, but by what is going on in our Minds.

     What I have also leaned is that there are specific circumstances, which may include specific people, places and situations, that can be identified as catalysts for individual growth. For many, it is a dysfunctional childhood that drives people to want to be different, do better, rise above it all, and ultimately heal their wounds. You attract similar people and situations into your life until you see patterns and begin to realize that the only part of the picture that is always the same is you being in it. That is when you begin to look and examine your part in the picture. In order to be successful at clearly seeing the whole picture, it’s imperative to learn to stop and step back from all the circumstances. By stopping and choosing to step back from the typical evolution of thought, you can evaluate from a broader perspective- from observation rather than indulgent participation. Slow down and view choices and eventual outcomes with greater clarity. Clarity is a prerequisite for power, so in slowly examining, you are able to see your personal power. Your personal power is an innate and inherent state of the Love that you are. Simply, when you let yourself step back, you stop the madness and listen for the wisdom that is bubbling up, clearing the debris of separation and the confusion of clouded sight.

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Step back and asking yourself:
     1. “What is my part in this?”
     2. “What wisdom am I to garner from this experience?”

This will lift us out of the constraints, drama, confusion, and chaos of the moment into a higher, wiser, expanded interpretation of the experience.

     As an example, as I step back and look, I see the challenge of eliminating excess weight as my greatest catalyst of personal growth. By acknowledging my weight issue as a gift and a blessing, I can see the love in it all and begin to love myself for my entire journey (even the painful moments) because this journey has been one of so much self-discovery. I hold my thoughts about my body in a container of total love. That has changed everything. The beginning of this major shift in my attitude was when a very dear friend, Rick, turned to me after a weekend of indulging in foods that made me feel physically ill and said, “How loving are you being with yourself?”

     I began to notice that to make loving choices I would need to incorporate the habit of using the “Two Time Rule”. In the past, I unconsciously ate spicy, greasy foods that upset my stomach. I was not being loving to my body’s cells. My impulses did not consider the consequences of my choices. Now, I consciously make an effort to make loving choices by first eliminating foods that make me ill. This is how I came up with the “Two Time Rule”, in which I first ask myself, “What do I want?” (my Mind), and next ask, “What do we want?” (the “we” meaning my entire body). It allows a wiser, more loving option to make itself known before choosing unaware. This is an effective technique for many compulsive behaviors.

     Following are the changes I chose to make in my thinking to continue to create a healthy body:
  1. I no longer allow myself to speak unlovingly about myself and my body. In the past I made jokes about my weight. I allowed my Mind to make me wrong because of my physical size. Many people try to convince themselves to exercise and eat properly, so that they can look and feel good. It's called will-power and discipline. I realized that those two things, will-power and discipline, were real buttons for my controlling Mind. Therefore, I needed to figure out a way around them. So each morning I remind myself, “Today I will make the most loving choices for my cells.” , “How can I be loving to my muscles, organs, tissues, bones and blood?” My answer is to exercise them and feed them what they need. I added into my life, vitamins, nutrients, more water and consistent exercise, choosing some form of daily cardio and resistance training.

  2. I no longer feed my feelings and stuff my emotions down with food. I feel them, instead. I express them responsibly. Another big change was refusing to eat when I got upset. This was why I had stomach problems since my early teens. Since it makes me feel wonderful and look better, my desire is to take loving care of my cells. I still enjoy chocolate and other goodies. The difference is that I am ingesting them in a loving conscious fashion, rather then not paying attention and using food as a diversion. I am in that moment.

  3. “Two-Time Rule” …After learning that every cell in the body has intelligence, I took the next significant step. I learned to choose from a state of awareness and ask first, “What do I want?” and then ask, “What do we want to eat?” No matter what that food is I pay attention to not attach negative thoughts to it.

  4. I learned to bless the food and tell it that I am offering it to my body as nourishment and that whatever is not needed is to be discarded as waste. This is the opposite of, “Oh my, this is so fattening, it’s going straight to my thighs,” which amounts to precise instructions to the cells as to what to do with the food. Therefore, it makes total sense to me that people of some cultures eat foods that would make many of us very ill. Just the thought of eating these foods makes us feel nauseous (a physical response by our cells, from only the thought of ingesting the undesirable food).

  5. Another quick effective is:
    a. I stop!
    b. Take several deep breaths!!
    c. Begin the following mantra (in my head): “I am Love”
    While saying the mantra. I continue taking deep breaths until I
    begin to feel calm and centered again.

    As time goes on, having loving thoughts about my body becomes more of my conscious state of being. However, please understand that sometimes maintaining my thoughts about my body, in a loving posture, can be a moment-to-moment process. I am able to recognize those moments in which I am allowing my Mind to engage in unloving, judgmental chatter. My energy level lowers, and I begin to feel frustrated toward myself and others. In those moments, I utilize my tools.

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